A totalitarian technocratic tool of tenebra – the nomenklatura.
Tenebra – profound “darkness” - (in the Roman Catholic Church) matins and lauds for the last three days of Holy Week, at which candles are successively extinguished. Several composers have set parts of the office to music.
L'autèntic drama no habita en el cor de les tenebres, sinó en les tenebres del cor.
Authentic drama doesn't reside in the heart of darkness but in the darkness of the heart.
- Nomenklatura - (in the former Soviet Union) a list of influential posts in government and industry to be filled by Communist Party appointees.
Self-respect posits, ‘respect me and I’ll respect you in return!’ Do echelons of superiority eschew this notion? Levels of devotion, objectively quantifiable as production-value, how do power-dynamics evaluate quality of operating-procedure? Diligence precedes the masterpiece, a fully/truly embodied idealized structural presence whose forms’ contents inspire those capable of controlled breathing.
Cigarettes produce a paradox of peace in agitation. So now I want to produce enlightenment exogenously? It feels like what enlightenment could be! Mimicry of inks’ stickiness to tar. My Teutonic tutor, Nietzsche, observes a duality – existential clarity proceeded by e-blindness. Peter’s dream (Acts 10:15) “What God hath made clean, that call no thou common.” Can tobacco be sanctified? Carolinian orthopraxy, if not fetishized – if not made as if into a god unto itself, but kept sacramental – would allow for a Smoky Mountain milieu.
Power cannot exist without resistance! A voice cannot exist without modulation. Chaos prefers silence? Does silence exist when one is unconscious of sound (as in a dreamless sleep)? Since an individual cannot experience the vacuum of space without an artificial exoskeleton, this type of silence is fatal in nature. An astronaut is incapable of experiencing anything outside Earth’s gravity without (explosive) technology, (thus this experience is) outside the reach of ‘normal’ comprehension, thus artifice. True or not, this relies on tools for experiential realization, thus not innate.
Imagining consciousness as a flickering process where imagination fills in blank spaces during moments of enlightenment, where ‘aha moments’ go to touch grass. Let’s have a positive manifestation of an imagined reality where things work out a certain way, and ignore the ‘what if’ column (vertical organizational structure (whose imagined toppling (domino-effect) may be more than metaphorical?)) The litigious deed-checker filed away ‘Jones’, a Jones himself, no relation. More than a mere accountant, this man kept a detailed account of (other people’s) ergonomics (versus economics). This man’s work was more spectacular – it spinal-aligned with God above (and as so below).
My own posture’s nugatory. Because I fail to align myself, I see failure. Because I am easily distracted I fail to align myself (or fail to see how I am in fact perfectly aligned). Extracting a bag of vegetables from the freezer, I become the prince of peas! Am I veering? Desirous of more what? More time on this Earth? My time-aligned posture-duration endures the long-suffering of life on this planet. Patience in dealing with a cloudy-headed feeling, who would miss my most ordinary modes of thinking? As a bird flapping with one wing and as a seahorse on tranquilizers and as an implosive process – addiction, that is, taking down medicine as if it were in fact, food. Because of modern medicine the average age of living might be 100, or how Joe Ben at the cafe would have you think!
More is kept in judgment withheld for fear or another’s thinking, perceiving, but not all truly seeing eye. A fear that seems devastatingly unique, although I also have the perception that it is held in common, that time (my very feelings in this moment) is not to my advantage or somehow conspiring against me! Converting time into money – an inflationary process!
Psychosis as necessitated by circumstance, consequent of having some choice in the matter of being both a being of matter and a being of light, sucked into the inside of a haunted and warped crystal ball. I’m starting to write drunk again.
The organizational structure of Jones, who, more than an accountant, kept detailed records of (other people’s) ergonomics. Economics are mere thought strands in thought bubbles with pounded corners (#). Ergonomics is the real deal. How one sits on a regular basis is more indicative of social posture than anything. A person who slouches at home slouches in public. How one performs in solitude is indicative of his presentation in the outside world. How does imagination precede one’s going out into the world? How one empties one’s mind is indicative of occupation. How one occupies one’s time while outside the watchful gaze (of big brother (if that’s possible (Bob))) which is in fact never absent, only more or less ethereal. How sophisticated is modern surveillance and haven’t the all-fleeing birds always been a witness to something?
6/30
Had a dream where I had to bore out shapes of increasing complexity into auto-glass (windshield material); circle, triangle, square, pentagon, etc. Then, in a second dream, I was in Wichita to get my car fixed, but they were closing until the next day. I was living in Oklahoma City and I had this fear of getting back because I had left everything open and my crazy ex-girlfriend could easily come and steal everything. I thought about running back, but upon further calculation of distances and my ability to traverse, I decided it would be best to give up hope to God and concede my belongings to the Devil and be real. Let it be and find some sleep. Luckily there was a large, clean waiting room with many friendly, giving people! What a treat!
9/1
Because of Einstein, we know a conservation of mass is a conservation of energy. Those plastic products we waste end up wasting our time and energy, even on an individual basis. In the household, state of disrepair, the matriarch and patriarch take out on the world, the trash. Out of the household, the husband and wife take it out into the world, the trash. King and queen of dishabille reality, born halfway between a marsh and an empty plain, these land fillers are really slow to get up in the morning. That’s about the only thing good you can say about their highness’ is that they take up space. They get in the way. They cause an intrusion. These Biblical ‘stumblingblocks’ of people make up entire political hemispheres. Even what they think about is wasteful. The sheer ingratitude!
Drive-through: express, sudden take-out. Imagine ordering Door-Dash multiple days a week. Imagine the stress and energy that puts on one individual so that you can sit around and wait for something to happen on your big, flashing plastic screen. The fool, out there running errands for a devalued currency, is what she thinks, playing the game differently to the detriment of all who play card-games that are better than “War!” mentally. Such a warlike mentality can wreak havoc on one’s ability to hold thoughts in their head for even a minute! It’s probably vain to think we all aren’t dancing like dunces in some way, so it is important to forgive one another for not dancing like smart people in a row.
Laurels twisted into a pretzel-shape, natural to healthy roots, practicing Zen by maintaining an upright posture and even-breath consciously for a period of time that has yet to be set by an external timer, yet still exists as a consciousness’ duration once one’s mind is put to the task of upright sitting. Sometimes when I sit I wonder if I sit for a sense of superiority that might be obtained through the practice thereof, but right away I know I’m overthinking the practice and under-thinking the posture, which is hard to maintain if the mind wanders too far in any one direction. There is a toppling effect that exists internally like the stumbling-block that does not exist as a physical object in this circumstance (although it can literally be a piece of wood in the way). This is why some people find difficulty in even the simplest of tasks such as sitting since they are just big push-overs.
[7/11] “But both the diabolic love and the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had penetrated fought for the possession of that soul satiated with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham distinction, of all the appearances of success and power.” Conrad, J. Heart of Darkness. P110.
One theory (of mine) posits that if one is offended by another’s words, that there is an under-examined elemental truth hidden in the meaning of the offense taken thereof. (As if stolen, a facade of intelligence unearned). If there were no truth, there would be no problem, because there would be no meaning. Those who live fairly meaninglessly, fantasize about existences that are already ours, but they want possession of something yet unapprehended. “Why can I not grasp something seemingly objectively conceptual!?” one asks out loud in the throes of histrionic mathematics. “What is constant is what I can see,” visualizing a flat earth on the coast. On the verge of transcendence, an elderly couple (of locusts) travel to the edge of California for the first time. They visualize a great beyond: the heaven that wasn’t perfectly smooth enough on the middle frontier. They expect those things to fit a rather simplified formulaic (square peg, round hole). When their expectations are naturally frustrated, they often return to comfortable fantasy. As time goes on and truth progresses...
9/22/22
A unique synthesis of boundarilessness and avoidable mistakes despite conceptions of inner righteousness(es) that work most of the time if one can remember what to do in order like a golf-stroke: sudden yet step-wise. Manifold horsepower propels the singularity. Children to impurity? Original sin is a deep-fake, that is, an embedded or ingrained falsehood that more innocent times existed. They did, through naivity, but how could they truly come to adequate realizations without computers? Without high-speed research!? This one generation’s more primitive man - his forms of objectivism didn’t have the added benefit of the tools of panopticism! My own hypocrisy-laden rationales deceive even the more ubermensching kinder among us! “The youth are our future. The youth are our future.” What a hypnotizing mantra!
An imposition of suffering – avoidance of taking one’s medicine. Coincidence seeks a rationale for optimism (obtainable through grace) if not in this life than in the world to come. Synchronicity is just a re-framing of coincidence, as is kismet. They help one seeking to prove that ‘everything happens for a reason’ through empiricism. The greatest trick the devil played was convincing everyone that anecdotal evidence was worthless – and it is to a community of liars! When the entire community is complicit: scapegoats. Our pharmacratic mandates push 99.999% pure horseshit upon entire populations in a globalized community, we conceive of ourselves as all the same in our alienation, our alien-nation racing for Mars.
8/1/22
“Truth doesn’t run on time like a commuter train, though time may run on truth.” Kesey, K. Sometimes a Great Notion. p.14.
At the cafe, across from me, a man on his phone in boots, black sweatpants, black Chicago Blackhawks sweatshirt, black hair, and Native skin, dining, talking about needing a woman and how it’s only natural to lie next to someone (a woman) at night, like it’s good for your nervous-system to be in contact with another human being – apparently death or an advanced form of loneliness awaits one in the recesses of such terminal decay. It’s starting to rain. I love the lushness. Mush-ness. And somehow cleanliness is paramount? There’s always some gaping maw at the dirty disco to fill!
How is controlled walking (a form of mindfulness meditation) akin to a controlled environment? The ability to follow a path, to complete the steps – in order to erect the primitive shelters of mendicants? These dang homeless are everywhere! A place where the climate may be controlled – around a fire, outlawed in public spaces, that burns within each and every one who breathes thus stokes. But no free fires. If the fire – it is to exist at all, it needs be housed in an engine, the easier to meter thou thus tax. Anything that may be counted upon may be levied. Your reliability is a measure of good faith! All the workplace virtues are communistic in practice – a devotion of time and energy for the dream of venture capitalism. We are all encouraged to ‘dream big’ but so much of what is overly complicated and convoluted about the world are the result of too big ambitions. Recognizing elemental differences is such a keen way to divvy up and conquest a wind-farm that serves to break up any obfuscating cloud in our mist. Bellicose fogs be lifted! Where is the checkered flag of terminus? Where is our final indece? Muttering keywords and phrases, searching such and such pages for derailment – if time were to run on truth, how does one stop time?
When there is no true form, only form itself, an awakening being (bodhisattva) comes into existence. Every effort a gesture and every gesture a thing-in-itself. Even if it’s not been learned before, it is nonetheless decipherable in its innateness. Is time ever inert? Judge the dreamless sleeper. Time may not exist equally between the observer and the observed. Empirically, yes; subjectively, no. “How much time has passed?” one dwarf of seven drowsily queries. At the bar, drinking groggily, I attempt to force wakefulness through forcing myself to consume gallons of what amounts to poison in high doses – edging cliffs on a winding drive through a bellicose fog.
8/2
“We do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves.” This matrix observed, as from the outside, is a demarcation of friendship/familiarity that is allowed to be more or less toxic to those involved on account of acceptance of other people’s habits, the visual signifier of belief accounting for ‘who they are’ which we are meant to accept unquestioningly? When one is treated by a physician, one presumably expects to get better, and often this is gradual to the extent one is unconscious of the treatment itself – its overall effects and parameters. This can also be true of the inverse – in the care of what may be called an ‘anti-physician’ in this context – as one who acts upon another as a sucking force that worsens, degrades, or degenerates.
“...to allow each to express his own self most freely.” Suzuki. p.27. When one maintains a practice that follows-the-light let’s say, it allows for others to see that light, be filled by that light, and become less hemmed in! They become a physician by continual/constant effort in one modality in order (although sometimes it may seem disorderly) to maintain purity within oneself which in effect heals those whom one maintains contact with. A sense of tactfulness, “and when he found himself, he found that everything that exists has Buddha nature.” ibid pg28. So that the Buddha sees himself in his surroundings. One can’t help but exert some influence, right?! Breathing the same elemental oxygen Jesus Christ inhaled! May your suffering be the sins of a former self and not a continuation/ perpetuation of peccatum. Catarrh!
“When we practice zazen our mind always follows our breathing. When we inhale, the air comes into the inner world.” ibid p29. Garbage day on N. Main St. and the air is ripe with human refuse. I could go inside, but I choose to observe saṃsāra (“cyclicality of all life, matter, existence.”) Styrofoam and plastic from a family pack of chicken drumsticks in my own waste receptacle draws me in. My eluvial bedrock (Brock) of questionable decisions as it relates to casting my vote with my dollar for what I choose to consume as a matter of convenience outweighing an environmental impact I assume some scientist brighter than I might solve! If it really is that much of a problem, then why is it allowed to be sold in Publix in the first place?! Raised by convenience stores, is it such a bastardized existence?
“We say ‘inner world’ or ‘outer world,’ but actually there is just one whole world.” ibid p29. We say ‘employed’ or ‘jobless,’ but actually there is just one work to do.
