Through western medicine one seizes divinity?! Coalescence a clog – revelation agog – If only I could receive enlightenment (a transmission through the true dharma eye) I could score opiates?! “Sometimes medicine is necessary, but it should not become our food.” (Suzuki, p79) “If my words are not good enough, I’ll hit you! Then you will understand what I mean.” (p137) Their worry (desire for me/ my goods) brings about suffering, and my (seeming) lack of care brings about their worry. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is an apt mantra for those seeking to ‘steer clear’ of the materially possessive.
Accusatory – a
cute sit story – she prods – sheep rods; urgently aligning the
needful of sheering, the ovine to wool. What occurs passively in
nature must be acted upon in its season or else all goes to
ruination! Those troglodytes, blind to the seasons, act as though
nothing matters (it all means nothing, after all!) No one is
interested in aiding and abetting one not needful of help or
assistance. What depths of intolerability discipline? Crack rock,
apple bottom…
Incapable of relaxation – three days underwater – accidental aquanaut Odjegba Okene. How is one to avoid conflict entirely at sea? Poseidon taketh and giveth according to the inherent will of his domain (minnow care credit, fish school taxes, eel eleemosynary, etc.)
Freedom is not something that is given freely. “Some rule out of a desire to rule; others so as to not be ruled: - to the latter ruling is only the less of two evils.” <DB #181> One freed from one degree of tyranny is often brought unto another tyrannical fold, treated well temporarily as in keeping with structural integrity, before a new oppression makes its demands known. Complete with a lapsed rewards program!
Set sail to the most salient winds of change (not always the more aggressive trade-route (not in opposition to the gods & their seasons)).
“Nostalgia is a limpid and clean pain, but demanding, it permeates every minute of the day, permits no other thoughts and induces a need for escape.” Levi, P. The Truce. P349. Attempting to cope with my permeating need, a categorical imperative, an undeniable call to action. There is uncertainty in my truce. I arrive somewhat bedraggled into this once familiar place. I am entering (yet another) uncertain situation. All of my distractions, all of my care and concerns, all of my alibis as reasons for being this or that existentially crisised creature... I mean, I recognize that ultimately I’m to be judged the fool in this review scenario in the future where my ego meets another’s confusion and then perhaps that confusion is reflected back upon myself and I recognize again that I have no idea of what I am even referring to in my own terms and conditions that may or may not apply as a sample measure. That some mere mortals may be blessed with some superior conditioning, while others are to wile away much of their short lives in some inferior condition. (Active vs. Passive – Free-will vs. Determinism) This appearance on the surface of whatever superior or inferior condition I imagine myself to be in at any given moment can only be felt for what it is as inferior or superior for various different reasons, connecting with where I am...
When I get into this sort of mood, this sort of groove, I start to feel like shuffling and as that desire grows over time I find that my long sit has been to my benefit and that if I were to continue sitting without distraction I might attain an even higher level of satisfaction so there is no reason to rush it! We find ourselves at a disadvantage. Imagining ourselves lagging. Behind what? The march of progress? Forward to where? Betterment of our former selves would be the only true advantage. Those who refrain from pre-conceived notioning master the moment.
When I imagine my own sensual nature diminished on account of diminished accounts I anti-freeze! I ‘get a move on’ because my own sensual nature demands some sort of satisfaction if it is to consider itself of proper functioning especially in relation to other members of my own society who seem to have it all together, relationship-wise. They must have to compromise so much to get where they are in this world, or else choose a certain form of discipline whose functioning is transverse to modulations. It seems odd to live for the satisfaction of another when oneself cannot be satisfied. It seems the primary condition for satisfaction would not be met, that is the imagining of what satisfaction itself might look like, and having it be solely an exterior concept. What one invites into one’s household, like oneself, must be mete.
How argumentative… how getting what you want always has to come from someone else… and how to get it, utilizing others as merely resources meant for targeted exploitation… How to belittle for the purposes of disempowering, utilizing one’s words as a source of dominion over others… Didn’t you agree to such-and-such? How are you going to make these sorts of promises on paper and then go back on them whenever it is convenient? Do you hold nothing providential? Certainly the expense of ink on paper must deplete sound reasoning! Certainly my sound reasoning must deplete with my ink! The masses, gradually hungrier and poorer, are easier to control, in the long run. March! To the beat of sonorous (concrete) jungle greyness. The tanned elephant scrambles through the dense underbrush in search of her wayfaring calf. The bustle of bushes upsets burrowing beetles… I’m giving up because I’ve exhausted my natural knowledge on an utterly unknown subject as pachyderm anatomy.
The dead elephant smells. One cannot hide a rotting corpse. I wish to spend my time more productively, but I also wish to have more energy for my time spent in such a productive manner. The energy primary to production does not always make itself felt, and despite it being an unreasonably subjective excuse for not doing anything of use, is nevertheless used as a way to get oneself out of otherwise unreasonable duty, necessity, or categorical imperative due to dearth which is akin to sickness. Am I accomplishing what I aim to accomplish? How would the whole universe benefit from my overcoming of struggle? As my time requires more and more space to maintain an ever-increasing production capacity, it becomes less and less sustainable for the world. Do I refuse to share with the world or does the world refuses to share with me? Everyone else, whose something I am sucking up to such an extent that the powers-that-be collectively notice with all their unfocused concentration what is changing rapidly, vibrating, and therefore blurry.
Woke up last night thinking about Nietzsche’s “The purification of the race” DB#272 in what is our modern context/lens. How race is both an artificial and a natural construct. Natural in that people from certain lands undoubtedly take on a certain uniformity of appearance. This is the individual against the background of time & place. “Whatever we see is changing, losing its balance. The reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance, but its background is always in perfect harmony.” Suzuki, S. Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. p.32 What Nietzsche thinks by purification seems to me an ideal of selectivity – where a determinate of race may be strengthened/weakened through cross-breeding. Given the physical circumstances/parameters of certain lands it may be found advantageous or disadvantageous to foster certain ‘fit’ features. This is perhaps just acknowledging the competitive nature of selection in general and migration into and out of certain territories occupied by historical groups/tribes may be encouraged/discouraged in co-mingling – and this may be a traditional role of statecraft – and how segregation may occur by mandate or mores as a particular population’s propensity for alienation of foreign entities newly introduced into a cultural eco-type’s ecosystem, and that includes a historical background.
Segregation doesn’t even appear to be about race as much as about class, that is a separation of rich from poor. A cowardly new world of impersonal transactions – the wizard of Oz (Bezos) behind the (computer) screen. Policy drivers to ‘70’s era economic stagflation. But back to race, what is true about gene theory as related to hybridization being strengthening (mixed origins)? See “Geneticistsand the Biology of Race Crossing.” W.B. Provine. “Science.” 1973. Also, see “...adaptive traits do not define races in humans.” from “BiologicalRaces in Humans” A.R. Templeton. “PubMed.” 2013. “...’ecotype’, which refers to a group of individuals sharing one or more adaptations to a specific environment.” “...unique alleles or at least different frequencies of alleles.” And then ‘heterozygosity’ and statistical demarcation (re-valuation of values) or redefinition? “...a natural historical population unit that emerges from modern phylogenetic theory and practice.” This is me thinking about Nietzsche’s trust in science (although distrust of popular medicine) as an expository measure superior to religion vs. Foucault’s questioning in The Order of Things sciences’ role in providing the illusion of dominance through language birthed of statistical analyses comparing the relative significance or insignificance of differences. Is this not an inversion of nature? The creation of an artificial background that contains no seas nor sunsets, no mountains nor clouds, just ivory towers of theory and conjecture. OohhOh the majesty! “Human populations certainly show genetic differences across geographical space, but this does not necessarily mean that races exist in humans.” Yes, race doesn’t exist like God doesn’t exist, but one finds oneself in denial if it is believed that these words lack meaning. Perhaps they are words that are ill-defined, indefinable, or ineffable. Perhaps they reside in one’s subjective imagination. But anyone with a consciousness and happens to think about indicative properties alien to oneself will utilize words that are more or less precise in their meaning and in an attempt to generalize what is conceptually complex. These ‘four-letter-words’ are obviously imperfect, but they allow one to arrive at a higher understanding step-wise as is very often the only way to gather or accomplish what is requisite through communication the way that this language itself is formulated.
Form-formula-formulation: Aesthetics as an ideal beauty is achieved through a process whose result is found desirable to one who institutes it.
Blasphemous iconography! Kristallnacht represents internal destruction, division, and repressive internments which may be determining prerequisites for externalized national fury. How did the U.S. Civil War serve to strengthen the forces of military technology and tactics? But what may be divided and conquered within ourselves – what is necessary about evil? Dualism divides a time from a time, a place from a place, and one person from another – and qualifies one superior and another inferior. And how many times must this judgment be performed before a golden age can be defined by a lager’s productivity? If the quality of a man’s art (or artifice) may be defined by the quality of his suffering (of duration and changing nature) does a true artist self-inflict or lie? Well, one may become quite broad-minded when it comes to self-harm...how many diseases, exhaustions, or hungers? A diverse symptomatology, doc. Mengele ‘does no harm’ to non-entities, by definition. Only a truly Prussian ‘organization of types’ can support such a grotesque scaffolding. If a mother’s always a mother, how is a prisoner always a häftlinge? Oh humanity, the experience of being human (If This is a Man), how old must a trespasser be before it’s legal to shoot? How bent on a conviction before con-victimization? What does convictionlessness look like? “I believed neither before nor after: neither hither nor thither: neither do I believe in belief nor that I am I!” Nobody understands and nobody cares about where this man’s bread comes from?!
Insubstantially I hunger for substance. My weakness mourns for mothering. “Charge my account!” commands a normally functioning adult male at a grocery store checkout line with an open bag of M&M’s, sampling wares. “I’m entitled to my confection!”
“Sir, your self-avowed convictionlessness conflicts with ‘In God We Trust.’”
“An antiquated motto!”
American exceptionalism at its finest, he swipes his AMEX – declined.
“Sir, you’re just like the rest, there is nothing exceptional about hypocrisy.”
Convictionless worms eat dirt or whatever, who cares? What’s available? Does satiation matter? Everything is transcendental, yet nothing is…
Dear Daddy,
I had a dream again, recurrent in nature, where a mean man like an angry hawk would condescend, as from above with words delivered in a peregrinating voice scarily similar to your own. Such as, “Shut up. Your food stinks. _____________.” My mind fills in the blank, “Why are you such a burden to me and why do I exist?” Now, what I used to exhibit was a sympathetic ‘fight or flight’ fear response that would manifest outwardly into the world in actions that were in accordance with either attempting to conquer, overcome, or flee from the world itself. Nowhere to go! It doesn’t take much of a leap of faith psychologically to ascertain the progenitor of this stress-response and yet, mainly because the stress itself causes one to not think clearly or rationally about it, there was a block or discontinuity in my ability to do something so elementary as connect-the-dots as to determine what makes me annoying, what makes me look or smell bad, or what makes me obnoxious to be around! Maybe I should work backwards: do you really want me not to exist? Inconceivable! And yet the existential quandary remains: How can I exist without a voice? The sea has a voice (waves), trees have a voice (the wind), and the oriental rug I tiptoe around you has a voice when I scuffle. And yet your own son’s voice is antithetical to you? I spend my whole life attempting to represent a man who desires no representation, and this sets me up, willfully or not, as an opposition party. (Why won’t the silent minority stay as silent as they’re supposed to?!)
No oppression, no fear! But imagining Primo in a neo-Teutonic slave-encampment or a Tibetan monk in a Chinese prison at least gives me a comforting feeling I’m not that oppressed! As “...your own true nature resumes itself.” Suzuki. P49. The mountains have a voice. It covers everything its path is committed to (mainly firs). The original nature of craggy pinnacles – an upward thrusting followed by erosion that softens the range. Deranged no more! “Even if the sun were to rise from the west, the Boddhisattva <essence of perfect knowledge> has only one way.”
“Work is done, then forgotten. Therefore it lasts forever.” My blood is hot today. Yellow jacket venom in my left calf. Topical cannabis. Coffee. Tobacco (Zyn®). Having been in the sun. Alcohol. A cool breeze is welcome. I feel these qualities in a unified way, as a unified being as such experiences through an interpreting self. They arise and fall away as I go back to the breath.
Buddhist mendicants – Apostolic actors, “Everyone has the same nature as the railway track.” p54
Katabasis – an inverted pilgrim’s progress.
Aposiopesis – the device of suddenly breaking off in speech.
Time waster: an inability to say ‘no.’ Therefore, time gainer: an ability to say ‘yes!’ If wasting were ‘yin’ and gaining were ‘yang,’ what would the time be? Even the youth in Asia can do the math!
On “60 Minutes”
Beading
the abacuses:
Maoist
trains on time.
“Arbeit macht frei” suggests (I’d have to believe) that the overseers believed they worked hard in the lager (camp) overseeing häftlinge(prisoners), saving time (not souls).
Her knees were the springs of the rocking-chair – momentum in her flanks – gravid with post-partumnal pride. She carried an unexpected amount of baby-weight, ‘_____ lbs. _____ozs.’ on the scale. Half of her is spicy; the other half is gelid (icy).
Wouldn’t one thing that a fully enlightened being would have - no belief in superiority or inferiority within oneself if rightly oriented and unified? It would be a shame to become deluded by a notion of class or cultural superiority when ‘variety is the spice of life’ be found agreeable. Unless this phenomenon can be over-spiced or otherwise imbalanced in this context full of leaky borders. Not all differences are the same! The sum of all evil may be observed by course correction!
“...a defiant pleasure in becoming ludicrous.” #384 “Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in him!” #382 Why is self-criticism closest to the heart of any individual in their art upon reflection. Presented in a new way, for the first time, the thought itself is not so novel as its execution? Or is the execution less unique than the thought? How can a representation have the same soul as an initial presentation? Sampling in hip-hop is an obvious example of how music flowers. The sou of the sense that transforms an aural sensation from one ring in a tree-trunk; representation of an aging process. Gnarled progress! Bonsai! And if I let it grow wild (no espalier) is that a lapse in judgment? Depends on individual ideal of aesthetic perfection, (which is in many ways materialistic, thus inferior?)
