I’m getting tired of trying to be the best because I’m
getting out of control and I’m not improving.
There’s a solution to this; alcohol.
But what if that substance works on my nerves negatively? Isn’t that the point? The electronegative characteristics of neural
networks aren’t necessarily bad or evil, but negativity has a tendency to be
misconstrued in a negative light; inverse.
Introverted when I’m thinking, extroverted when I’m writing because my
words speak volumes; manifest. I need to
remember that sex manifests violent behavior; peace.
I can’t
keep writing like this, sourcing my own subject, studying myself, constipated.
Not really, I eat beets so it just looks bloody. Maraca Katydid is one hand lounging,
attention spanning certain whole minutes while the repetitive cycling of wash-boarding
paint trays as a percussion instrument, with an ear on preservation over
progression in music. I can see the
benefit of both. Some people hold on too
long and some people speed recklessly. Some people hold on to memories,
objects, and relationships. These three
are distinct yet interrelated. Some
people deconstruct, reconstruct, and have something to prove. These characteristics are all interrelated
yet distinct. Now I’m trying to do some
weird variable math equation that is too mind-boggling for a pithy
solution. It is good also to drink in
moderation.
Marijuana
is an apt substitute. Modulating transmission
of catecholamines across the neural synapse, as I understand the effects, it insulates
myelin and controls the flow of dopamine, epinephrine, and norepinephrine past
dendrites. My high substitute teacher
visited an apartment with me to teach me a lesson in controversial conspiracy
theories. Many people refuse to relive
past stress and tragedy; fear of Posttraumatic Stress Entropy. Call it what it really is! It is important to use the right words at
the right time so as not to convey a lie, thus making the human race a bigger
buried laughingstock than the dinosaurs, Satan’s implants. Stone rosettes! Get high and listen to Ghost: Fuck yourself and
go to hell. Insults care of Uncle Joey, you’re
welcome.
Remind
me to catch a breath! Anybody could play songs, but not every person who plays
songs learns music anymore. Acapella
guerillas are the most mobile musicians, trebling in the trees. ‘Emptyemptyempty,’ they reverberate more like
background brainsounds amplified than a sampled breath. Annunciate emptily. Chant the Gregorian code that will bring "Evil
Dead" to Netflix® in all its cult-classic gory-glory! GloryGloryGlory hallelujah acid rain be! Would Hill Dog take her pent up aggression
towards Bill out on the rest of the world as president? What a revelation! “See what you made me do?!” she would shout at him from her ordered daisy chain
of fuel planes aboard Air Force One as the world evaporates below into the
first world radioactive stone age as she never forgets.
I am where
I put myself, in a Buffalo apartment with viz. intimidating rent. How extroverted is a person supposed to be
before anyone else in the house is awake?
Why be flashy when the world is blind (to my
superiority/inferiority)? I take both yin and
yang in large doses. Is the erotic truth
is stranger than the erotic fiction? Can
you see Story of the Eye, Elizabeth? Who
would masturbate to such a thing? Situated
on the same floor of two hotels across the street from each other, a Boston
bean-flicker eyes a baby-faced exhibitionist practicing his rites alone. Being a lady of the night, mid-afternoon, she
had time to kill. “What the hell?” She
thought, “worst/best case he sees me, joins me, we get off together, and he
gives me his money!” What the hell am I
going on about? I forget that I’m
insecure about my feelings, let alone my fantasies! Who has time to daydream about chance
connections when you’re a violent, introverted pervert with a propensity for
clergymen? Damned if I know! No, no,
literally, I’m probably going to Hell if I ever meet this … oh shit, right,
Dave. Fuck, the war, and the children:
Vietnam, molestation, and rape. How
could I forgive or forget? Because to err is human; to forgive (pederasts),
divine. Who wouldn’t blame PSE,
Jesus? Cast of academy acclaimed movie of the year Spotlight?
What is
self-consciousness? Am I not a machine? Why do I have feelings? Why are little
things confusing, (like changing a lock for the first time)? Lack of intuition? Lack of know-how? Ashy elbows (no grease)? Whatever exact measure Persistence fails to
solve when interpreting dreams is resolved by the narrowest capillaries supplying
all the vital organs with humor. If I
could only make sense (why feel?) then maybe my life would be provided a
meaning by a higher power writing a dimensionally superior storybook and by the
sentient life in a higher dimension making sense of us and our many selves like
a phase study of our time from the outside or underground by some alia
life. Perhaps to alia we are better than
we perceive ourselves inside out. As a US citizen, denizen of Buffalo - an All
America city (times two), how much do outside forces control our day? Consider yourself blessed. Amen American men,
women, and all undifferentiated, neutral, and undecided persons of all colors, creeds, and nationalities!
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