A Dirty Ripple from the Space Case

Space Kays, I don’t know why I like her so much.... a former user of coke, K, alcohol, and quit them all cold tofurkey.  She still smokes to take the edge off. Goes to sleep early, ritualistically, despite being in a prime of life (29).  My own chronic mental fatigue is keeping me down…It’s hard keeping sexual energy pent up.  Too bad I’m not for sale.   Separation of church (body) and state (soul).  In God We Trust (despite faith (or lack thereof)). 50’s broken.

                I lost an entire day…let me figure this out, it’s Saturday, I missed Thursday…I thought Friday was Thursday. I woke up, stomach a mess, and went out for Greek breakfast with Sister Kay. She’s been on Bennies (Benadryl, not Benzedrine) for sleep and anxiety and ordered her eggs over Benedict.  Home, my gassy roommate is in his room listening to some obnoxious acoustic ska sounding garbage without drums, I’m easily irritated today it seems. 

“Verba vana aut risui apta non loqui” – Vain words such as those that cause laughter should not be spoken?

With a high sense of superiority, a socialist panderer, he goes away, out communicating competitive judgments and making moves like a haphazard knight dancing with a lascivious queen.  Well-well, what have we here?  Less a confession than a series of outings, getting sick alone, getting sick of being alone, but happy and calm at home, alone, today.  High and write-y again on the couch, mushrooms, marijuana, and new Animal Collective.  What else is new?  If I believed that I were capable of making action profitable today…I’d rather believe in the Sabbath.  Because even God needs a break.  Little me, what more dare I do?  If I could further human life…breaks would still be necessary.  It’s good to not have to talk for a while.  Conversation is tricky some days. (28.35 g/oz conversion. No trouble.)  Not at it again.  “Not another tit!” said the boob, (but I want it!) If I want the boob, I have to learn to think like the boob.  Imitate the boob.  Act like the boob. “Be the boobie, blue-foot,” avian encouragement. All in vain, for vanity, promotion of an inescapable aspect of life in human nature, with a body, God’s holy vessel, sanctified in essence ethereal, manifest in His mercy, Christian Dadaist.  Work hard, play hard, and rest a lot.  Jack Garratt, mind opening soft as a door (glabrous at least!) Holy anti-venom! Ethanolic embrasure! Out! Out! Stupid human, good Spot! Ouche!

               Soldiers slaying others for others anon
                For some sick political sense of sanity
                For some tortuous delusion held aloft
                For unknown martyrdom, worshipping
                fetishist, won’t you ever give your idols a rest?

Buy a Buffalo map.  Become territorial.  Be aggressive. Assert dominance.  Maintain control.  My fault is in bottles like Butters’ compassion sauce, come now, thanks to Randy.  Trying to get to Parker’s on South Park, via construction detour, for hipster fish, and denied.  A dangerous-looking woman, sexiness to me. Alas, I am but a little man with safe little insults to divine justice (I think they’re safe…) Once the Liquor Quik’s in, I should be fermenting close to 20% and extracting 160 proof.  Again it doesn’t take long to define, converting is a way of life for a Christian, building foundational followers, church of Scandals, royal we rise and fall forever.  Back home, my body wants to move, but my head wants to stay, sensing disturbance like some dirty ripple in the force.  (There will be a Ted talk on public beheading later…)  Will the warped way I see the world now reflect its warped visage back upon me should I go?  Will my sickness infect?  Once I feel well again…bene…I’d call my spider sense tingly.

Eco's Echo

Umberto Eco Huffington Post Obituary

I've been reading The Name of Rose for a couple weeks now.  Very good book, it's a murder mystery set in an abbey in 1327.  Very complex and intricate story telling, Eco was a master of language.  I read Foucault's Pendulum a few years ago, it is one of the most difficult books that I've read to date, but very rewarding.  It's necessary to do a little research.  I'm only on page 76, but here's already some notes of mine:

Ecclesiestics – Christian clergy

Usus facti – “make use of”

Cum inter nonnullos – “among the few”

unico homine regent – “Rule of one (man)”

Cuirass – armor breastplate

apta coadunation – “suitable gathering”

corymbs – flat flower cluster where all flowers originate from single stalk-axis

Glycyrrhiza – licorice

Chrysoprase

Cistus 

Hoopoe 

Hypnale

Myrrh

Narcissus 

Privet 

Taro

Acanthus

Mallow – family of plants (Malvaceae) contains okra, cotton, and cacao.

Mecca Balsam (Opopanax – “vegetable juice panacea”) – medicinal gum resin from genus Commiphora called “bdellium”

Ramify – cause to branch or spread out

Pard – Cheetahs that mate with lions to produce leopards (lol)

Cynophale (?) Thyreophora (“shield-bearer”) cynophila “bone skipper” – species of fly that reproduces in animal bone marrow, thought to be extinct until rediscovery in 2009 in Spain

Polycaudate – “Many tailed”

Hydrophora – “Water carrier”?

                Hypophora – a figure of speech where speaker poses a question and then answers said question

Cynocephaly - “dog-head”

Leucrota – result of mating between a hyena and lioness that results in a beast the size of an ass with the torso of a lion, the haunches of a stag, a badgers head, a mouth that opens ear to ear, very fast, and with a voice that imitates human speech.

Manticore – sphinx like creature with body of a lion, human head, 3 rows of sharp shark like teeth, bat like wings, and a trumpet like voice.

Parander – Mix between a bear and an ibex that can change skin color like a chameleon

Prester – a venomous serpent

Spectafici – “fig looking”?

Saurian – ancient sub-order of lizards

Scytale (“baton”) – ancient transposition cypher

Amphisbaena – ant-eating serpent with a head at each end

Iaculo – “snake javelin”

Dipsase – One who experiences uncontrollable craving for alcoholic liquors (a dipsomaniac)

Jasper – “spotted or speckled stone”

Sardonyx – sard – “shades of red” onyx “claw” or “fingernail” stone

Interlocutor – a person who takes part in a dialogue or conversation

Viscid – glutinous; sticky

Glabrous – free from hair (bald); smooth

Curia – group of officials who assist in governance of a particular Catholic Church

Mundum discurrit vagabundus – a world travelling vagabond

Prebendary – senior member of clergy

Prebend – form of reward for services of the prebendary

Cicatrize – heal by scar formation

Olieribos, Aglaophotis – occult herbs

Patens – small plate used to hold Eucharistic bread to be consecrated

Monstrance (ostensorium) – vessel used for more convenient exhibition of some object of piety.

From Google Translate, online dictionaries, Wikipedia, my Webster's dictionary from 1965, and online 'medieval bestiaries'.

A Fool Three Times

“Hey guys I need your tinder/Internet dating horror stories or gushy romantic stories! Go!”

            This is a recollection from three years ago, similar season.  On OKCupid as the medium.  Determined to set up funny profile because I didn’t really take the whole process seriously, and I’m half-comedian. Or is it quasi-comedian?  Anyway, I’m not trying to be funny anymore.  I think that mostly what is funny is pure honesty, so if I was funny at all it was because I found that place of pure honesty.  I think that when you set out on the act of constructing a profile, like ‘this is what I want the world to know how I see myself.’ How is it that a personally subjective thing that I call a face is agreed upon with someone else when I describe it?  And aren’t you (when online dating) working in a system where all of these digital relationships are some sort of complex delusional construct?  New age navigating a sorting mechanism, and aren’t there enough deluded people out-there in the market?  I’m getting off track.  Her name was (let’s say…) Brita, but to me she was Brita II, and likely of comparison due to unlikely circumstances, (let’s say…) a Bart tattoo, somehow identical to yet another person I decided I liked better over fragments of time.   Maybe life is like a mandala or mosaic from the outside?  It’s not always crystal clear, unless it just came through a Brita filter, I swear I’m not sponsored.  And unlike these online relationship compilers want you to believe, they are not intergalactic robot Cupid, they are just OK.

The first filter put up is proximity, but what if the love of your life is not exactly where you are?  (In Paris or the stars…)  But that’s only if you believe in true, hilarious love.  If you (who?) are like most people you’ll settle for less (than the truth).  Sometimes I feel like I’ll never settle (not in a bad way).  Is that not prudent? The first Brita I met in BaAlexandria, and she’d come over to the restaurant where I worked after work.  She worked in some state department where she got Colin Powell’s autograph in a book for her dad.  She was a big Polish freak and I loved her, but I wasn’t happy with myself most of the time, I was still learning a lot, transitioning through some sort of youth in Old Town.  And I couldn’t stop freaking!  (And not just exclusively…)  I maintain that the best dating site is still whatever street you’re on.  And in fact, when Brita II and I started talking this was at a random house party where I recognized her from her online profile.  I used the dating site as a networking tewl after the fact, and had a proper online date, complete with pre-recorded profile talking points.  She wanted everyone to stop fracking.

I remember another filter they put up is how DTF you say you are.  Christian Mingle OKCupid is not; and debutantes these ain’t.  More a shallow sea of lower order control freaks who like to swing their hot messes.  I’m one to talk.  Apparently a Bart tattoo is common. I don’t have any tattoos because I don’t like pricks or Burns.  I can’t remember if I ate her shorts (like candy) or just took them off, but one thing led to another and before I know it she’s gushing in my mouth, sorry not sorry she does that.  Kind of gross; kind of hot:: kind of warm; kind of a lot.  I didn’t have a serious fetish for that (yet…). But her chest tattoo was practically identical to this guitarist’s from RoOKlyn I hooked up with one night after her show and I still remember how I felt the next day, early morning, walking through a Buffalo marathon in progress and the weather was perfect…there was a broken spell for Brita II, no warm afterglow, no lingering post-coital bliss.  I didn’t have the same urge to follow her.  You just can’t account for certain things, and nature has its own way when it comes to love, but I can account for this, the last thing she wrote me:

I'm scratching my head mostly because of the lice (kidding), but also because of this situation. I'm confused as to why after two weeks we're not getting closer but instead farther away. It's not a competition at all, the point I'm trying to make is that I seem to care about seeing you and getting to know you but your actions have showed me that the opposite is not true. I should not feel like I'm the only one putting forth effort, like I'm the only one excited about this. If I had to ask a question, it would probably be "Why have you dropped off the face of the earth?" The only way I can explain it with my limited view of what the heck is going on in your head is that you're not interested. And if that's the case, then it's fine, but that should be conveyed so I'm not left wondering. So I guess my second question to you is "How do you feel about me?" I'm not asking for you to act artificial or pretentious, I'm just asking for what the heck is going on in your own terms.

           

And that’s the way I left it…until a few months ago, when I reached out again, but unsurprisingly without response.  I didn’t know how to describe it at the time and I didn’t want to start a legacy of being unnecessarily mean, so I let it be.  And I dropped OKCupid (like a regular baby) on its head.